i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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