Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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