dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I am available for nakedness
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
