hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
