I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Randomize
