So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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