but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
There's always time for handjobs
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
