She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
