So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
