What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize