hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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