i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
