Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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