First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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