Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
