Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
