I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You need a sexual gate keeper
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
