He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize