chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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