I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
