apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize