And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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