A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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