You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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