That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
