I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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