if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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