When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
