there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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