i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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