I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I just want nice things and good sex
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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