i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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