DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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