no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
