So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
