By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
He told me they were just razor bumps!
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
