I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
