I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I'm passing your future prison.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize