I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I need to align my fucking chakras
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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