I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
