lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
