super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
you win again, gameday.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize