toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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