He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
