Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
