pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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