did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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