Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
