Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
