Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
