You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Randomize
