so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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