I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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