I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
