you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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