I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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