I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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