Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Randomize
