I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize