I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
