Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
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