I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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