i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
