we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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